The country that we live in has been following certain life paths, that are often accompanied with certain social expectations, not from oneself, but from others. Those expectations are often compared with reality. When the two fail to meet each other, it's always reality that's blamed.
The question raised then is, why cultivate such rigid expectations in our society? Why we cannot celebrate reality but keep imposing the myth of perfection on others? Why we appreciate less and disparage more? Why there persists the urge to suffocate others but never resuscitate?
One such root of expectations is marriage. Marriage, that seems to be fairy-tale at first. Don't know about the other world, but our Indian society has always had this criteria set for a perfect marriage, for a perfect bride, and a perfect groom.
The major criteria for a perfect groom is his education, financial stability, and a house of his own.
But the criteria for a perfect bride is not that narrow to be understood.
It is too normal to come across such situations in our friend-circle these days, as we all are going through that age. The age that's set by our society as "Shadi ki Umar"! My Indian fellows must have heard this song from the movie "Mere Brother Ki Dulhan", that well-describes our culture of expectations. It goes like this, just think and understand:
First Criteria:
Sundar ho (She should be beautiful),
Susheela (well-behaved and docile),
Rang chaandi sa chamkeela (fair and bright as silver),
Degree bhi ho (well qualified, should have a degree),
Fashion bhi jaane (should be fashionable).
The first two lines are the prime requirements to be a perfect bride. This gender biased racist tradition has infected our media as well that's never hesitant of proving that only "fair & lovely" could get a suitable boy for marriage. Education and intelligence come later, as mentioned in the next line. Fashion sense here means orthodox balance between fashion and traditional style of dressing.
Second Criteria:
Ho Sita jaisi naari (should be as virtuous as Goddess Sita herself),
Aur jaane duniya-daari (should be well-versed with laws of society),
Piya ko sab-kuch hi vo maane (Her husband should be everything for her. Her world should revolve around him).
They want a girl like Goddess Sita- the sati. The lady who is known for her sacrifices, who was exploited and disdained by the society for no faults of her own, who was left alone in exile during her pregnancy and was abandoned by her husband in his quest to be a perfect king. Still, she accepted it all uncomplainingly. She left this world in the journey of proving her purity. Why our society is never bored of this orthodox mentality !!
Third Criteria:
Kaam me jo na ho lazy (she should not be lazy),
Ho jisme 3G ki tezi (should be prompt in all household work),
Aur ho shokh si adaa (should be charming),
Relation samjhe jo ladki (should understand the relations),
Rahe na ego me bhadki (should not have a persistent ego),
Jo laaye good luck hi good luck sadaa (should bring good luck always).
This ideology itself is full of sarcasm. The initial two lines of the above mentioned criteria hold true for a domestic help as well, right ! The only add-on for the girl is her nine hour job that also holds no room for compromises. The job that she has earned after years of hard-work of her own, and her parents. So, she should be fast enough to simultaneously manage both without complaining. She should never get annoyed but only emphasize on developing selflessness and compromising with her own necessities. She should always stay happy no matter what, so that only good luck comes in. Wow! Only machines can do that !
Fourth Criteria:
Mohabbat ki vo ho google (should know everything about love like Google),
Jo de de har question ka hal (should have the answer for every question asked),
Jo sabke dil me dua si basse (should live in everybody's heart as prayer).
Model ho world best (should be as international as a world-best model),
Par mitti ho Indian (but must have Indian values).
Well, when you already have Google, why you want her to be another one ! Heights of demands !
In real meaning, it's only love that keeps a marriage going . But the beauty of marriage is not in doing it all alone. It is a partnership for life. It is about finding answers to questions with each other, not for each other.
The last two lines can hold different meanings for different sets of society. Talking about myself, I just want to know what Indian values are they talking about? I guess, the ones which have already been mentioned out here !
Knowing that "female" gender is also a part of "human" race, the "Perfect Indian Bride" seems to be just an idea !! An idea full of expectations that can deeply damage relations when not full-filled by reality! Why is it difficult for our society to treat a human as a human. Why a daughter-in-law has to carry a baggage full of expectations on her head from the first day and way before that as well?? Why can't the majority of our society treat their daughter-in-laws as their daughters. Why can't they appreciate the positive side.
Why there is lack of acceptance?
.......Only excess of expectations, expectations, and expectations !!
