Is She Married? Yes!?! No!?!

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Traditional wedding symbols. . .

Sindoor, Mangal Sutra, Bangles, Kumkum, Bindi, etc. . .Are they meant just to give you a tag that reads 'unavailable'? Or, there's more to it?

I agree that there's more to it. Yes, I do! There are actually few scientific reasons behind wearing some of these symbols. But, does it oblige everyone to keep them incorporated in daily practice?

I am not saying that they should; or they should not. This being their own personal decision without any comparisons, I just want to share my views over here...

. . . Here's what's it all about. . .

"I didn't want to marry. I wanted to carry on with my JRF, with my maiden name itself. And one day, my insane love for a guy brought me into a marriage with him. After a point of time when it got unmanageable, I left behind my dream of Ph.D. I started to search for a job and simultaneously gave various competitive exams for government services. Meanwhile, I fully assumed new roles and responsibilities but somewhere deep down, I had not forsaken my old life. I live on two different planes", my friend says. For her, wedding symbols were...well… just symbols. But now, she wears sindoor, a wedding ring, along with the bangles all the time; not because she likes to, but she is expected to wear them everyday. "I do not wear mangal sutra because I don't like the idea at all. On some days, I wear a bindi because I look somwhat different and more beautiful with bindi on my forehead. But that happens only when I am wearing a saaree or salwar-kameez for some special occasion," says my dear friend.

Another one of my friends got engaged few months back. Every time we talked, I could see her fussing about the engagement ring.

She constantly had this fear of loosing her diamond studded ring. "It is slightly loose on my finger. As soon as it comes in contact with soap and water, it almost slips off. Since it's the next most precious thing I've ever worn after my trillion dollar smile, to wear or not to wear the engagement ring; is the big question right now! "Is it necessary to wear it as a public statement of my relationship status, even at the risk of losing the first?", she said.

Talking about myself, I'm not much into accessorizing my clothes. I like it simple! When I got engaged, I faced this restlessness constantly dominating me as I could feel the weight of the earth on my finger. That doesn't mean that I don't love my ring or, I'm not ready to take the forth-coming responsibilities with a smile. No, that's not the case. I love my engagement ring to the core. It looks ravishing! But the discomfort while wearing it for every single moment of the day was so much that the weight felt on my finger moved onto my head and I started having headache every now and then.  Also, it didn't seem safe to me to wear it on daily basis. Safety issues! A major concern! I told this to my fiance. He understood my problem and suggested me to discontinue the practice of wearing it on daily basis. Believe me, it's slightest brush against a piece of cloth or anything used to make my her heart gallop like a horse. But now I'm happy that it's kept safe at home and I'm carefree about losing it. 

But my friend was not allowed to do so. So she decided against taking it off. "I will get the ring tightened. I'm not left with the option of taking it off. They say that your ring symbolizes the added responsibilities that come with a marriage. My days of a hassle-free life are over," she said.

Now she has got married and she is not willing to adopt the other "symbols" that would approve her as a married woman. For her, sindoor and bindi is fine, but a dozen of bangles in each hand and mangal sutra in neck are a complete no-no.

Similarly, I know that I'll have to wear all of them during my wedding. But wearing them all everyday is totally an impractical idea for me as well. And mind it, that doesn't mean that I dislike these marriage symbols. I shall be wearing them at suitable times because they complement an outfit, or suit an occasion.

~~~For a simple fact, you always dress accordingly!~~~

If I'm wearing semi-formal or western at work, I don't need to accessorize my clothes with Indian jewelry. It can be very distracting for myself and others as well. We live in a practical world. We work.

When I'm wearing Indian, I will accessorize my clothes with Indian jewelry. In that case, I will have to make sure that the chain or any necklace is in place, and hooked... My bindi might just fall off after some time... Bangles, yeah, they always come in the way during operating a computer mouse (experienced in this case..)... And of coarse, it is always better to keep it light or off if commuting daily by public transport.

As far as the sindoor/kumkum goes after getting married, I might wear it. I think I will... every now and then. But it might not always be visible to you, because it would not be that prominent... (Wait! Don't tell me that you're one of those who are always scanning a woman from top to bottom? You know, I never understood why it's always women who are being scanners for other women. They will always poke them with their irritating questions like, why are you not dressed up like a newly married girl? Why do you wear plain clothes, wear vibrant colorful clothes! "Chatakh Matakh" types!! Where is your bindi, your bangles, wear some more sindoor, uff! They always need to taunt because without that, their food won't get digested!  Please, somebody shut their mouths..!! I'm saying so because I've seen this happening with my married friends.) 

If she does wear it all, that's very nice. It's her choice. She likes dressing up that way.

If she doesn't, it is OKAY; nobody is going to be harmed.

People! Mind your own business! 

You must have seen an Indian woman dressed up on a festive occasion. She wears a saree, or lehenga, or salwar-kameez. She gets her Indian accessories out and enjoys that one day looking decked up and gorgeous. Doing all that everyday? Mmmm... It takes away the fun, and is too much of work! 

But I think this discussion should not be stretched so much that it starts bringing in the debatable issues of women independence, freedom, women rights, etc. It isn't that complicated friends.

You've got to be understanding here!

Life style has changed over a period of time and it's natural for one to adopt to it instead of sticking to the ancient practices, beliefs, and idea of living. When there's no significant symbolizing practices for displaying a man's marital status, if he doesn't come under such queries, women have also broken out of these shackles of customs and objectified them.

It's a free country. It is a personal decision. 

The decision could have been arrived at due to a million reasons ranging from "I don't have time" to "I just love wearing it everyday" to "it makes me look old" to "it makes me look more beautiful" to "I don't believe in this sindoor like symbolization" to "I love this newly wed look" to "I have an individual identity" to "It's a part of my routine life now". Whatever it is, we are nobody to judge them. 

For one woman, the symbols of her marriage are, her husband and her children. They are her life, nothing else can better symbolize her marriage. For her, the best way to show everyone that she is married is to work at her marriage and make it a happy one. After all, marriage is more than just a symbol. Isn't it?

For the other,  her mangal sutra, toe-rings and sindoor become an inseparable part of her life. She doesn't view them as a piece of jewelry or make-up. They become as important as her family is for her. For example, one of my friends love to wear toe-rings and bangles even as being unmarried. She loves wearing them so much that she is looking forward to wearing them everyday after her marriage.

The fact is that...

"Every woman is unique. 

Their choices, their life styles, their likes and dislikes...~differ~. 

But the bigger fact is that... 

They all have this one thing in common.. They all live for their families & their loved ones. 

Doesn't matter if they wear sindoor, or not!"

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..~..Respect Your Privileges..~..

After a super-hectic weekend, we went out for some shopping to de-stress ourselves. Evening is always the best time for that...the feel-good time! Well, somewhere in the middle of our way, shopping seemed to have become the secondary activity; our aim shifted towards having some delicious food at a famous nearby market. But, women are the happiest, when they get to SHOP..!! Yeah...they don't like to miss shopping! So, after a happy and colorful round of shopping, we headed towards the food-zone to have some delicious fast food...kind of a famous eat-street activity! You know, where there is a momo-outlet, the mouths of their lovers water! They are not allowed to ignore them. It's a sin to overlook your favorite foods. Isn't it? We went ahead and checked out the menu for something new. As always, our eyes were set on the variety of chicken momos... ONLY!

Steamed chicken momos were dragging our taste buds under monotony from some days, so we decided to try out fried chicken momos from the same stall this time. Believe me, those were the best fried momos we've ever had, extremely rich in taste and content but so light at the palate. Fiery bliss! But, can't tell you how long we had to wait for them. At a point, it started seeming like forever. Standing for about 10 minutes, finally we got that gleam of light in our eyes when those beautiful round golden momos arrived. The guy served them and we just couldn't wait a minute longer to gobble them up. Each of us picked up one and dipped it thoroughly in spicy chili sauce. 

It was about to plunge into my mouth when we heard a voice, "Mam, please stop! Those are not chicken momos." We were like, WHAT ?? what do they consist of then?? Pork?? NO! We were shocked and confused whether he had served us some other form of non-veg. In the midst of that current of confusion, another voice came saying, "Don't worry mam, those are veg momos." Uff, that gave us a moment of relief..!! Then what, we were again requested to wait and finally after 5-6 minutes, we got to eat them. Thank God; the excitement was not killed entirey. Anyway, the momos were worth the wait, totally!! They were crispy, juicy, spicy, rich in content; and the cherry on the cake was the smokey chili sauce, with the accurate amount of spiciness in it! I would give them 9 on 10. That's because I've saved the top position for the Tandoori Momos that my father brings for us every week. Nothing tempts me more than their mesmerizing sight. I would definitely share their picture with you soon.They are simply 10 on 10...!!!

While sharing our experience with you, I constantly had a thought coming to my mind.

..~..~.. A thought to ponder upon ..~..~.. 

"How lucky we are to be able to savor all our favorite foods. 

Not everyone in the world has this privilege of choosing what they want to eat. Many of us go to bed hungry. 

Not everyone is as blessed as we are. 

So please, respect your privileges and do not waste food!"

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If I had a chance to have only one wish granted by the angels, I would have asked for adequate food for every stomach. How beautiful this world would have been if it was actually possible! I pray that a day comes when it would turn into reality. . .Someday. . .I wish!

Hmmm. . . after feasting on momos and finishing every bit of them, we went ahead to try veg cheese-burst pizza from another outlet. Well this time, it was not worth the wait. In one word, it was ...eeeeuuuuuuwwwwww....properly "uncooked" tasteless texture-less pizza it was! I would not even want to give it a rating. It spoiled our mood completely. I wish we never tortured our tongue with that strange tasteless thing served in the form of pizza. It was like a parody...a very bad one! Waste of money it was!

It was not enough folks. 

We decided to have some golgappeee to change our taste. But they were also average. Not that crisp, not that tangy, they seemed utterly plain in taste. Phew! They also didn't help us much in getting over from that horrifying pizza. After going through a struggle for taste, we were not left with enough energy to try anything else as the later two had already spoiled our evening to a great extent. 

So to conclude, what made us really happy was the shopping on that evening, followed by the yummiieee fried chicken momos!

It is very rare when mommy, sister, and I go out together on weekends. But, whenever it happens, that time becomes a part of the most joyous times we could ever have. Every single moment is zealous and cherishable.   (Papa is never free. He never gets time to have some rest..) 

..~..~.. We love each others' company to the Moon and back!! ..~..~..

..~..~.. Just LOVE those times!! Every bit of my family!! ..~..~.. 
   

Is It So Difficult, Friends?

Life, as we all know, can't always be smooth sailing and perfect. There are days when we are short-tempered, we react overly to small things, we snap at one another, we take the crap until we can't tolerate it any more. The dam of our patience slowly starts overflowing. Then it starts creaking and cracking, until it can not hold it any longer. Finally it bursts with fury, sending raw expression upon raw emotion rushing through the cracked walls, allowing them to flow freely against all the pressures.

When I started writing this post, I really didn't know what to write.  

I just had "n" number of thoughts running across my head and voices echoing in my ears. Voices of some people I got to know in real meaning after having them heard...their stories...their experiences....that changed them for life...that made them what they are today...how the actions of few people around them affected them emotionally that forced their thought processes to change completely.

I'm going through a stage of amazement and all I could wonder about is how easy it can get for people to judge others without knowing their reasons, their life stories. Haven't they ever had a not-so-good time, or a bad time, that might have caused them to behave in a raw manner... just the way they actually feel, without any masks on. Is it so difficult to empathize with them? Are they so different that we can't treat them right? If not, why are they categorized as rude, arrogant, insane, ill-mannered, and so on. . .

As if, we have never committed a mistake, or we have never been impolite to anyone. As if, we are as pure as we expect others to be! 

The lady sitting beside me shared how she was turning into that "exploited lady" more and more with each day passing and then came a stage when she just could not take it anymore. She was being deceived by every second person whom she trusted upon in the run of solving her issues. How she was disrespected, and how she was pushed to the darkness of depression, to a point where she started feeling "pretty darn pathetic".  After a certain span of time, she has started feeling better. But now, people have started seeing her as an arrogant and rude person. Why? Just because now, she is not ready to take anyone's shit. Yeah! Call her psycho, because she would give it back to you. Be ready to handle it, or don't ruin her peace at all.

Similar circumstances and insensitive emotionless "humans"  turned another young girl into a STRONG LADY. . .She is being called lazy and ill-mannered, by the slackers who are always running away from their responsibilities. What they are perfect in is the art of stealing away others' credit for a job well done. How could someone be so mentally sick to sit idle themselves, and harass another individual all day by asking her to finish unjustified amount of work, all alone. 

Why should someone make personal sacrifices for no credit, that too for such people. I can't find a reason. . .genuine enough!

I never understood how all of this hypocrisy, back-bitching, finding happiness in someone's pain, could let a person have a peaceful sleep at night. Why people can't start their day with a positive attitude, not only towards themselves, but towards their fellow companions as well. 

You know, it's only a matter of keeping our thoughts and views CLEAN... dirt-free. 

Let's be compassionate enough to those whose lives have been, or currently are, engulfed by pain, sorrow and loss. Let's take a moment to empathize with them and I think, we all can do that. Let's share smiles and allow them to carry through their difficult times. Let's not be judgmental. Please, I request..!! 

Let's stop stretching things to a point where they break into pieces, to never get repaired again. Let's learn to take things lightly and make it easy for our friends as well to get comfortable with their lives. It should not be that hard for any of us, friends!

PC: Positive Outlooks (via Google Images)

The Perfect Indian Bride ~~

The country that we live in has been following certain life paths, that are often accompanied with certain social expectations, not from oneself, but from others.  Those expectations are often compared with reality. When the two fail to meet each other, it's always reality that's blamed.

The question raised then is, why cultivate such rigid expectations in our society? Why we cannot celebrate reality but keep imposing the myth of perfection on others? Why we appreciate less and disparage more? Why there persists the urge to suffocate others but never resuscitate?

One such root of expectations is marriage. Marriage, that seems to be fairy-tale at first. Don't know about the other world, but our Indian society has always had this criteria set for a perfect marriage, for a perfect bride, and a perfect groom.

The major criteria for a perfect groom is his education, financial stability, and a house of his own.

But the criteria for a perfect bride is not that narrow to be understood.

It is too normal to come across such situations in our friend-circle these days, as we all are going through that age. The age that's set by our society as "Shadi ki Umar"! My Indian fellows must have heard this song from the movie "Mere Brother Ki Dulhan", that well-describes our culture of expectations. It goes like this, just think and understand:

First Criteria:

Sundar ho (She should be beautiful),

Susheela (well-behaved and docile),

Rang chaandi sa chamkeela (fair and bright as silver),

Degree bhi ho (well qualified, should have a degree),

Fashion bhi jaane (should be fashionable).

The first two lines are the prime requirements to be a perfect bride. This gender biased racist tradition has infected our media as well that's never hesitant of proving that only "fair & lovely" could get a suitable boy for marriage. Education and intelligence come later, as mentioned in the next line. Fashion sense here means orthodox balance between fashion and traditional style of dressing.

Second Criteria:

Ho Sita jaisi naari (should be as virtuous as Goddess Sita herself),

Aur jaane duniya-daari (should be well-versed with laws of society),

Piya ko sab-kuch hi vo maane (Her husband should be everything for her. Her world should revolve around him).

They want a girl like Goddess Sita- the sati. The lady who is known for her sacrifices, who was exploited and disdained by the society for no faults of her own, who was left alone in exile during her pregnancy and was abandoned by her husband in his quest to be a perfect king. Still, she accepted it all uncomplainingly. She left this world in the journey of proving her purity. Why our society is never bored of this orthodox mentality !!

Third Criteria:

Kaam me jo na ho lazy (she should not be lazy),

Ho jisme 3G ki tezi (should be prompt in all household work),

Aur ho shokh si adaa (should be charming),

Relation samjhe jo ladki (should understand the relations),

Rahe na ego me bhadki (should not have a persistent ego),

Jo laaye good luck hi good luck sadaa (should bring good luck always).

This ideology itself is full of sarcasm. The initial two lines of the above mentioned criteria hold true for a domestic help as well, right !  The only add-on for the girl is her nine hour job that also holds no room for compromises. The job that she has earned after years of hard-work of her own, and her parents. So, she should be fast enough to simultaneously manage both without complaining. She should never get annoyed but only emphasize on developing selflessness and compromising with her own necessities. She should always stay happy no matter what, so that only good luck comes in. Wow! Only machines can do that !

Fourth Criteria:

Mohabbat ki vo ho google (should know everything about love like Google),

Jo de de har question ka hal (should have the answer for every question asked),

Jo sabke dil me dua si basse (should live in everybody's heart as prayer).

Model ho world best (should be as international as a world-best model),

Par mitti ho Indian (but must have Indian values).

Well, when you already have Google, why you want her to be another one ! Heights of demands !

In real meaning, it's only love that keeps a marriage going . But the beauty of marriage is not in doing it all alone. It is a partnership for life. It is about finding answers to questions with each other, not for each other. 

The last two lines can hold different meanings for different sets of society. Talking about myself, I just want to know what Indian values are they talking about? I guess, the ones which have already been mentioned out here !

Knowing that "female" gender is also a part of "human" race, the "Perfect Indian Bride" seems to be just an idea !! An idea full of expectations that can deeply damage relations when not full-filled by reality! Why is it difficult for our society to treat a human as a human. Why a daughter-in-law has to carry a baggage full of expectations on her head from the first day and way before that as well?? Why can't the majority of our society treat their daughter-in-laws as their daughters. Why can't they appreciate the positive side.

Why there is lack of acceptance? 
.......Only excess of expectations, expectations, and expectations !!

Once upon a Saturday..

Friday, Friday...

Getting down on Friday...

Everybody's looking forward to the weekend...

Partying, partying..yeah...

Fun fun fun fun... ♩ ♪ ♫ ♬ ♭ ♮ ♯

        -"Friday" by Rebecca Black 

No song could better sing out this universal tale that's gushed with the weekend excitement in our hearts !

Although I have only Sundays off, I'm still excited about Saturdays nearing. That's because I meet him every Saturday evening after work. And believe me, I get free from the unnecessary baggage of stress the moment I see him ! Such a magical smile he owns ! It kind of starts my weekend right.

We sit together and share giggles. We never restrain ourselves from being frank about the problems and resolving them together. We discuss our work and plan our future together. The world seems to be next to heaven in that moment ! We often get engaged in tittle-tattle and that's how Saturday evening turns out to be a stress-buster.   

Saturday evening is all about spending time with him. But that day, I stumbled upon a reason to observe the other side of the world as well, and, think !

Recently, we met at a commercial hub. The place as usual was full of food joints and cine-complexes. It was packed with people due to weekend. After having a round of eating and nice chat, we were on our way home. Moving ahead amid the crowd, we stopped to take a selfie as remembrance of the day. 

Along the exterior of the place, an elderly man was selling toys. It was not a shop, he was trying to sell them sitting on the floor itself. Unassisted, he was giving demos of his key-toys. The toys were not expensive. One could buy a toy at a price as low as Rs. 30. I found them cute so I bought one. 

The closest from that place were the food joints which were fully occupied with people. Families with kids were all around that area. I don't know why, but I just could not ignore what was happening.  Well-heeled people were coming and going, and many of them passed across that toy-seller. Some with eatables in their hands and some with shopping bags (all branded). Some of the kids were delighted by the sight of those toys. 

So the man started to give the demos frequently in the hope that some of the parents would purchase his toys for their kids. Many of them stopped to check out the toys. They asked the seller to give demo of several toys and he did so. After seeing all of it, they asked the price for few of them. 

Same  scenario was repeated again and again.  And the common iteration  was  
---->  "bhaiya 30 rupay bohot zyada hai, kam lagaao !" After performing futile trials, they all went away without purchasing any of them.

I mean, what were they expecting the price to be ? Rs. 10 ? I can't explain how the person's breaking hopes appeared on his face. 

This is something that I've never been able to understand. Why the affluent individuals demonstrate their art of bargaining in front of the needy (it doesn't include all street-side sellers, it just means "needy").  They are capable to pay all kinds of extra charges including the actual price of things. But when it comes to a toy worth Rs. 30, they say, 

"kam lagaao bhaiya"..