Is She Married? Yes!?! No!?!

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Traditional wedding symbols. . .

Sindoor, Mangal Sutra, Bangles, Kumkum, Bindi, etc. . .Are they meant just to give you a tag that reads 'unavailable'? Or, there's more to it?

I agree that there's more to it. Yes, I do! There are actually few scientific reasons behind wearing some of these symbols. But, does it oblige everyone to keep them incorporated in daily practice?

I am not saying that they should; or they should not. This being their own personal decision without any comparisons, I just want to share my views over here...

. . . Here's what's it all about. . .

"I didn't want to marry. I wanted to carry on with my JRF, with my maiden name itself. And one day, my insane love for a guy brought me into a marriage with him. After a point of time when it got unmanageable, I left behind my dream of Ph.D. I started to search for a job and simultaneously gave various competitive exams for government services. Meanwhile, I fully assumed new roles and responsibilities but somewhere deep down, I had not forsaken my old life. I live on two different planes", my friend says. For her, wedding symbols were...well… just symbols. But now, she wears sindoor, a wedding ring, along with the bangles all the time; not because she likes to, but she is expected to wear them everyday. "I do not wear mangal sutra because I don't like the idea at all. On some days, I wear a bindi because I look somwhat different and more beautiful with bindi on my forehead. But that happens only when I am wearing a saaree or salwar-kameez for some special occasion," says my dear friend.

Another one of my friends got engaged few months back. Every time we talked, I could see her fussing about the engagement ring.

She constantly had this fear of loosing her diamond studded ring. "It is slightly loose on my finger. As soon as it comes in contact with soap and water, it almost slips off. Since it's the next most precious thing I've ever worn after my trillion dollar smile, to wear or not to wear the engagement ring; is the big question right now! "Is it necessary to wear it as a public statement of my relationship status, even at the risk of losing the first?", she said.

Talking about myself, I'm not much into accessorizing my clothes. I like it simple! When I got engaged, I faced this restlessness constantly dominating me as I could feel the weight of the earth on my finger. That doesn't mean that I don't love my ring or, I'm not ready to take the forth-coming responsibilities with a smile. No, that's not the case. I love my engagement ring to the core. It looks ravishing! But the discomfort while wearing it for every single moment of the day was so much that the weight felt on my finger moved onto my head and I started having headache every now and then.  Also, it didn't seem safe to me to wear it on daily basis. Safety issues! A major concern! I told this to my fiance. He understood my problem and suggested me to discontinue the practice of wearing it on daily basis. Believe me, it's slightest brush against a piece of cloth or anything used to make my her heart gallop like a horse. But now I'm happy that it's kept safe at home and I'm carefree about losing it. 

But my friend was not allowed to do so. So she decided against taking it off. "I will get the ring tightened. I'm not left with the option of taking it off. They say that your ring symbolizes the added responsibilities that come with a marriage. My days of a hassle-free life are over," she said.

Now she has got married and she is not willing to adopt the other "symbols" that would approve her as a married woman. For her, sindoor and bindi is fine, but a dozen of bangles in each hand and mangal sutra in neck are a complete no-no.

Similarly, I know that I'll have to wear all of them during my wedding. But wearing them all everyday is totally an impractical idea for me as well. And mind it, that doesn't mean that I dislike these marriage symbols. I shall be wearing them at suitable times because they complement an outfit, or suit an occasion.

~~~For a simple fact, you always dress accordingly!~~~

If I'm wearing semi-formal or western at work, I don't need to accessorize my clothes with Indian jewelry. It can be very distracting for myself and others as well. We live in a practical world. We work.

When I'm wearing Indian, I will accessorize my clothes with Indian jewelry. In that case, I will have to make sure that the chain or any necklace is in place, and hooked... My bindi might just fall off after some time... Bangles, yeah, they always come in the way during operating a computer mouse (experienced in this case..)... And of coarse, it is always better to keep it light or off if commuting daily by public transport.

As far as the sindoor/kumkum goes after getting married, I might wear it. I think I will... every now and then. But it might not always be visible to you, because it would not be that prominent... (Wait! Don't tell me that you're one of those who are always scanning a woman from top to bottom? You know, I never understood why it's always women who are being scanners for other women. They will always poke them with their irritating questions like, why are you not dressed up like a newly married girl? Why do you wear plain clothes, wear vibrant colorful clothes! "Chatakh Matakh" types!! Where is your bindi, your bangles, wear some more sindoor, uff! They always need to taunt because without that, their food won't get digested!  Please, somebody shut their mouths..!! I'm saying so because I've seen this happening with my married friends.) 

If she does wear it all, that's very nice. It's her choice. She likes dressing up that way.

If she doesn't, it is OKAY; nobody is going to be harmed.

People! Mind your own business! 

You must have seen an Indian woman dressed up on a festive occasion. She wears a saree, or lehenga, or salwar-kameez. She gets her Indian accessories out and enjoys that one day looking decked up and gorgeous. Doing all that everyday? Mmmm... It takes away the fun, and is too much of work! 

But I think this discussion should not be stretched so much that it starts bringing in the debatable issues of women independence, freedom, women rights, etc. It isn't that complicated friends.

You've got to be understanding here!

Life style has changed over a period of time and it's natural for one to adopt to it instead of sticking to the ancient practices, beliefs, and idea of living. When there's no significant symbolizing practices for displaying a man's marital status, if he doesn't come under such queries, women have also broken out of these shackles of customs and objectified them.

It's a free country. It is a personal decision. 

The decision could have been arrived at due to a million reasons ranging from "I don't have time" to "I just love wearing it everyday" to "it makes me look old" to "it makes me look more beautiful" to "I don't believe in this sindoor like symbolization" to "I love this newly wed look" to "I have an individual identity" to "It's a part of my routine life now". Whatever it is, we are nobody to judge them. 

For one woman, the symbols of her marriage are, her husband and her children. They are her life, nothing else can better symbolize her marriage. For her, the best way to show everyone that she is married is to work at her marriage and make it a happy one. After all, marriage is more than just a symbol. Isn't it?

For the other,  her mangal sutra, toe-rings and sindoor become an inseparable part of her life. She doesn't view them as a piece of jewelry or make-up. They become as important as her family is for her. For example, one of my friends love to wear toe-rings and bangles even as being unmarried. She loves wearing them so much that she is looking forward to wearing them everyday after her marriage.

The fact is that...

"Every woman is unique. 

Their choices, their life styles, their likes and dislikes...~differ~. 

But the bigger fact is that... 

They all have this one thing in common.. They all live for their families & their loved ones. 

Doesn't matter if they wear sindoor, or not!"

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